Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
