Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
