I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
