WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
