So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
