This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
