It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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