So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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