the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
