I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
