it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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