Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
