My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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