My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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