tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize