Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
