It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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