If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize