ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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