There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
