the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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