if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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