How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
