guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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