come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
