well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
