So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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