getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
