My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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