LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
