It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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