Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
