I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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