What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
