I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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