Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
