so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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