Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
