He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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