Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
