I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
