Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
