jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
