It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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