he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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