Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
