Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
