I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
