didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
