wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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