My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
