Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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