I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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