"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
