We're like a lot better than the average bears
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
