did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
