i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize