the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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