"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i now understand why vodka
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
how drunk are you?
Several
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
