honey bunches of taint.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
