Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
